I Don't Know How to Relax

I don’t know how to relax.

I work. I show up for my family, the soccer games, the weekend stuff, all of it. And I love it. But none of that is the same as being still.

At home, I always have to be doing something. Fixing something. Building something. If I’m not, I feel bad, like I’m wasting the day. Feeling unproductive makes me feel guilty, fast.

Years ago, on vacation in Mexico, I was sitting on the beach when out of nowhere I turned to my wife and said, “For the first time in a while, I understood what relaxation was.”

That moment stuck with me. Mostly because it was so rare it felt like news.

I still haven’t figured out how to turn it off. I’m not writing this because I cracked the code. I’m writing it because I’m starting to think sitting still, doing nothing and being okay with it, is a skill. One I never learned. Maybe one worth learning.